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Writer's pictureHeather Higgins

Resiliently Resilient

Building a resilient life is not a one and done - it is a lifelong commitment!


Improving my Resilience Quotient (RQ) was not a straightforward journey, but a path carved out of necessity during the darkest moments of my life. One of the deepest wounds I had to endure was the tragic loss of my beautiful, brilliant niece to suicide. Our family had already been navigating challenges leading up to her death, and we often felt helpless, not knowing how to "fix" her. The grief was suffocating, and the constant "what ifs" felt like they would never end.


I won’t pretend that it didn’t take years to find moments and days of peace. However, once I began to focus on the joy and love we shared in those 17 years together, my ability to recover from the grief started to grow. As I share some of my lessons learned - I would caution you to refrain from comparing and measuring your grief and challenges with others...don't dismiss your suffering and traumas as not being significant enough or more significant...it will rob us both of the lessons, compassion and connecting.


Creating a resilient life is about cultivating inner strength to navigate life’s challenges while staying open to growth. One of the foundations of resilience is self-awareness. Understanding your emotions, reactions, and patterns allows you to respond to adversity with greater clarity. Self-awareness helps you recognize when you need rest, support, or a new perspective, enabling you to make choices that promote healing and balance. And let's face it, the hits don't stop just because we are already in the middle of one pain-full experience, so caring for yourself is an ongoing commitment.


Resilience thrives when we remain open to learning. Life is constantly evolving, and so should we. Embracing change as a teacher, rather than resisting it, empowers us to grow from difficult experiences. Staying curious allows us to find new solutions and unlock opportunities for personal development, making it easier to adapt to what life throws our way.


For me, vulnerability is another key to resilience. While it can feel uncomfortable, allowing ourselves to be vulnerable creates space for authenticity and connection. When we acknowledge our pain or struggles, we can work through them rather than avoiding or burying them. Vulnerability isn’t a weakness—it’s the doorway to healing and building deeper relationships.


Seeking community is equally important. I wouldn't have made it without my family and friends. Being able to speak of my niece and hear stories of her - kept her as a part of my life...albeit in different planes. It was imperative for me! So, I would invite you to surround yourself with supportive people reminds you that you don’t have to face life’s challenges alone. Whether it’s family, friends, or a community group, leaning on others can give you the strength and encouragement to keep going.


Finally, be kind to yourself. Resilience is not about perfection or always being strong; it’s about learning to bend, adapt, and grow through hardship. Treat yourself with compassion and patience as you navigate life’s ups and downs, and remember that setbacks are part of the process.


Building a resilient life means fostering self-awareness, embracing vulnerability, remaining open to learning, seeking community, and practicing kindness toward yourself. I don't mean this as an all buttoned up present for you - but in my experience, without acknowledging it was a process and the reminders to reach out and not turn inward were critical for me. And as a final offer - I am here. Reach out any time, any place, any way - I am here.




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